I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
