I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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