It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
