dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
