Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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