you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
