so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
