it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
