Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
