Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize