His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
