That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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