oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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