Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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