and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
