Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
