Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
they're like a gay fantastic four
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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