reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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