no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
