I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
