Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize