So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
