How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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