Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
