I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
