I hope mine doesn't look like that
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
