thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
