Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
