No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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