Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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