You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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