Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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