I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
