I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
