actually, I'm a sock model
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
