so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
