My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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