Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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