mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
