eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize