I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
