You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
