so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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