I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
