I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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