I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
