How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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