I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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