You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
