This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
