Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize