he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
