so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
