well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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