Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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