2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
