Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
