barbara walters just said penis...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize