i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
