worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
