Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
