i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
