Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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