oh god the rape fog is back!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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